Blog, Poems, Teachings
A place to record all of the above.
A place to record all of the above.
**Deep Breath** I am taking a bold step and sharing something with the world...Or at least all of you that read this in blog land! HA! Well....I would say I take a bold step everytime I write on my blog, but this is a little different. I am acknowledging something today. I am acknowledging my ideal clients that I would absolutely LOVE to work with. I have always given the statement that I would like to work with awakened beings that are ready to transform their live's and live in the most authentic way possible. That statement still holds true.
However, I have broken it down even more--In recognizing that I am a healer's healer and work with those (healer's and they come in many different forms) that bridge the gap with the mainstream. However, what really ignites my passion, really lights the fire in the belly, makes me do the happy dance whether in my seat or standing, is narrowing the focus down even more. Really recognizing who my client tribe is that I am speaking to. You may be asking, "Well gee Nicole, that seems pretty focused." My response to that is kinda. I mean, it is.....buuuuutttttt (yep, there's the big BUT) I am really acknowledging who ignites my passion. That is who I want to work with... Have I kept you in suspense long enough? ;-) Ok....here it is....
My passion is to work with musicians. Groups, bands, and individuals that are awake and sharing their gifts with their audiences. Even more pronounced are the ones that are awake and sharing their gifts with the main stream. From the creative process, and recording, to touring and playing live, I would love to work with them in all areas. By sharing my gifts, with them. Serving them and in turn serving the whole planet. All genre's are game too! Anywhere in the world.
So there you have it. Throwing it out there. Acknowledging my ultimate dream of working with musicians. I most wholeheartedly still love to work with all healer's (all forms) that bridge the gap to main stream. So if you are in that category...YES! I still want to work with you! AND....if any of you know musicians that are interested in what I have to offer, then I would LOVE the connection. Or even a connection of a connection. :-) Thank you so much for supporting me. I love you all!
***This is a wonderful moment for me to say...follow your passions, as crazy as they may seem! I am....music has been a passion my whole life. Still is!
Until next time...
Most of us are familiar with the quote by Mahatma Gandhi, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." That is definitely open for interpretation of course. Take a moment to think about what that means to you. I am going to share what it means to me.
With every breath we take, there is an opportunity to "Be the Change." For me, being the change is how can I love myself even more for the things that appear to be the opposite of love. For example, I have recently found out a loved one has been bullied to the point of them wanting to step off this plane. I am loving myself for every single emotion that is coming up for me. Feeling all of those emotions and not appologizing for feeling them to myself or anyone else. Or...judging myself for the emotions and feelings that don't come up. Yep. I am not having things come up that other family members are experiencing. Here's what I am also doing...
Loving me for all of the times I have allowed my boundaries to be bent and not stood up for myself. Loving me for being a bully when I have been hurting. Loving the family member for feeling their absence here on earth was the only choice. Loving me for all of the times I have felt like my only option was to not exist in this body. I have also been recognizing the pain(and loving myself for that very pain because I know the hurt in various ways) the one's who have been bullying to which they choose to cause others' pain, thinking on some level it will bring them relief. Loving myself for intuiting that this was coming and still allowing it to play out the way it did. (Boy oh boy that is hard.)
Hopefully you are getting my point. The way I see the world is that we all need to love ourselves more. It is a way to peace, harmony and happiness. The only reason we create destruction, kill, create chaos and havoc, is because we are expressing the pain that is inside of us. Instead of loving ourselves, we point fingers, blame others for the suffering and complain that something needs to be done. All of the while not doing anything to change our present situation; Helping ourselves move through the pain that we feel in every given moment.
We all want the world to change, yet most of us fear the change. Why? Because change breaks us out of our comfort zone. Our comfort zone can tend to have us live life unconsciously. When we see chaos and other unsavory things in the world (especially in our immediate world), it (life) forces us to evolve. We can choose to stay a victim and in suffering, or we can embrace the change the best way we know how. When we choose the change, instead of life choosing it for us, we are actively involved in how we want the experience to go.
What is the best way to actively participate in the change? By being the change. By choosing change before it chooses you. Be the Love, peace, happiness and harmony you wish to see in the world. Actively change how you perceive yourself, your experiences, your surroundings, by loving all of it. I'm not saying that you have to like it, but unconditionally loving the part of the Divine and consciousness it is representing. Life nor anyone else is out to get us. Life and everyone is/are here to serve us and help us grow.
Yep. That's how I look at things. Let me rephrase that. This is what I know....it's beyond looking. This is how I choose to experience my life. Do I have all of it figured out? Oh hell no. Do I feel less pain, hurt and suffering? A resounding HELL YES! And....it sure bites "taking things personally" in the ass! HA! Here's to Living My Truth; Being the Wayshower, by being the change. I'm being Love, Peace, Harmony, and Happiness the best way I know how in every moment! BAM!
Until next time....
Hallelujah! I have gotten a 1/2 day of a breather today! Thank you! Thank you! Not only am I getting a breather right now, I feel sooooo relieved. I stood in my power and eliminated the spiritual bully in my life! WOOHOO! Doing a dance right now with the computer!
You may be asking, "Nicole, what are you doing with your day of rest?" You have guessed it, resting. Ha! Ha! I am also reflecting on the week and it's been one hell of a week! I have also been working on the content of my website. Stay tuned for the update.
A short and and sweet blog post today. I just wanted to let you know I am alive, I survived, and I am resting. I will post more soon.
It may seem that I am doing a lot of complaining in these last blog posts. If you have clicked on any of my posts prior to my Be Real journey, you most likely noticed that most of it was teaching, light-hearted, about self-love, spirituality, etc. If you see it as complaining, then please feel free to stop reading them at any time. This is about me being real with me and you getting a glimpse into my journey. This is not about you in any way, unless you are the one's I am talking about. Maybe you will be able to relate to my journey, thinking, "My gosh! I have felt that too!". Maybe you just enjoy how I write, or maybe its for another reason all together. I have long fluffed my world and words so as to not offend. I am not doing that here. I will tell you this much. I am filtering a tad because if I didn't you would be reading the F word about every other word right now and that's not fun to read! :-) Here we go today. It's been brutal.
"Everyone's pointing their fingers. Always condemning me, And nobody knows what I believe!" Great lyrics to a song I am very connected to right now. That line resonates with my life at the moment. I feel like I have been a punching bag as of late. People assuming the shit out of who they think I am and should be and put their expectations on me. When I don't meet those expectations then they dump all over me. That's how my day started yesterday. WTF! I guess I really wasn't kidding when I said that I want a breather. A day would be more fabulous than an all expense paid trip to Hawaii. Although...a breather and an all expense paid trip would be outstanding! :-) Thank goodness I still have my sense of humor.
Seriously though. I guess I am strong enough for this shit but come on Universe! Enough already! I am not one that is a big supporter of the whole Law of Attraction concept. I have found that it is just another way to judge myself and have others judge me. After the experience that I had yesterday...there is absolutely no way that it was a complete mirror of what is inside me. No fucking way. I get that Michelle has a role in all of this, however, I had to have a conversation with one of the biggest Spiritual Bullies I have ever met. I said this before and I will say it again now. I AM DONE with the spiritual bullshit. I was told I am not spiritual enough by someone who doesn't know anything about me. Here's the damn theme again of standing in my power and speaking my truth. Let's talk more in depth about the spiritual bullshit again.
Let me just say that I feel more alive and spiritual than I have in a very long time. The fact that I have let go all of the spiritual should's and should not's makes me feel more connected to Michelle and the Divine. More than any spiritual practice I have ever followed. The human practice. That is what I see as being more connected with God than any practice I have ever come across. We are God. We are the individual expression of God. Hmmmm...but I am not spiritual enough. FUCK OFF. Go bully someone else who will be intimidated by your madness! It's down right silliness. The funny thing that has happened with the spiritual bullies I am talking about today is I accept them for who they are. I don't say they aren't spiritual enough. If they come into my life I do have boundaries and standards. Like this one: I won't be treated like shit because I don't fit into how you think I should be.
Here is the best part that I realized today. I used to network quite a bit with my business and be extremely nervous sharing what it was that I do (especially because I struggled with words for it). Even before my business I wouldn't really talk about my gifts because of getting made fun of, stoned, burned at the stake, etc. In the networking world, it was mostly mainstream business owners like plumbers, electricians, real estate, with the occasional massage therapists, chiropractors, and counselors. This is the hilarious part....are you ready for it?
The mainstreamers aren't the ones that have ever judged me! If they have, of course it was behind my back. It's the spiritual, supposed - to - be -your- comrades that have judged me. Hard Core to my face. Well, I guess you could look at it as they are doing it to your face Nicole. Yeah, talking shit about me and to me, all of the while nailing me to the cross. Crazy mother fuckers! Somehow they wrap it up in a spiritual package and call it speaking their truth. Feel free to add a WTF with me here. And they wonder why I can come off as a hard ass.
Sometimes I am told that I come off as a bitch at first, I am a hard ass at first. Guess what? I am upfront with you at the get go of where I stand with things. If you don't like it, there is the fucking door. Don't let it hit you in the ass. Or let it if you choose. It's your choice. That is what it comes down to. If you don't like how I am and how I stand for things I am passionate about, you have the choice to stay and honor that-- or you can go. The choice I will make for you is when you try to stay and change me to fit your rules--then you will go. End of story. I have spent too much of my life being in relationships with people who haven't honored me and try to make me be what they think is appropriate in this world. What does that ultimately come down to?
Me not honoring me. Me not loving me for who I am. I posted quite a few times in my blog prior to Be Real, about no matter who you are, you can love yourself more. I am really exposing how I can love myself more. Through all of this brutal growth, this in your face until you change it, I am honoring me. As wave, after wave, after wave, after wave pummels me into the surf and sand to where I can hardly catch my breath, I am forced to stand up even as the water feels over my head. I am forced to stand up for ME. For Michelle. For Nicole. For the little one that was continually told as a child to not be who she was. So what if the curse words come out? So what if people get pissed off or hurt? I need to honor all of me first. I am not out to blatantly attack someone, but I will stand up to ANYONE that tries to hurt, poke, trample or bulldoze any part of me and anyone I love. I will say it again. I AM DONE with the spiritual bullshit. And....now I am going to go there.
*Start Mild Rant*
In the spiritual world, the one where they are open to all religions, beliefs, the oneness, Source, Creator, etc., being in a box of organized religion is frowned upon. Not outwardly mind you. They talk a lot about the judgement of religions, fear based, etc. YET....that is the very same thing they are doing!!! "Oh I have to put up my protective light shield against any negative dark energy. I need to put on my crystals to protect me from the Jesus loving people that think I am sinning. What do they know? They believe in Jesus for goodness sakes! What did you do to create the cancer in your body? What Karma did you bring into this life to cause the abuse? You have only had 180 lives? Well, you are such a baby!" Shall I continue? Have you gotten my point? This all carries and does the same thing as far as I am concerned. It keeps us from being in our power. It keeps us looking for answers and power outside of us. So fuck all of that shit!
*End Mild Rant* ( I think the whole thing has been a rant ;-) )
Again, the more I am feeling all of the craziness that is called my life right now, the more I am understanding what true spirituality is. It's not to transcend the human experience. It's not to take the perspective of being above any human suffering, emotion, physical aspect, religion, person, animal, plant, species, and planet. It's to fully embrace them and move forward with all of it. Move forward with all of it in you. For it is in you. That is the oneness. So right now if anyone is trying to tell me I am not spiritual because I am no longer using the fluff....well...you can pound the sand next to the nice mound of sand I am standing on. It will do nothing to my glorious mound.
Stay tuned for more.
Can I get a chance to breathe? Oh yes! That's right....I am supposed to breathe through whatever I am going through. How about a day off? No? An hour off? No? Well for shit's sake, I hope the next level I am growing into gives me at least a spring break.
Yes! You have probably guessed it by now that this is how my day is going. It's one hella transformational journey I am on right now. The Universe, my higher self, whomever is saying LOOK AT THIS NICOLE AND ADDRESS IT.
What is "this"? It is the theme that has been showing up for a while in my life. The theme that has broken all of my resistance to it. The theme that has shredded me from the inside. The very same theme that has humbled and angered the piss out of me at the same time. It is the theme of standing in my power and speaking my truth no matter what or who is thrown my way. Just when I thought, "ok, I got that I am to address this and I am doing the best I can in every moment." Well............(that gets extra dots for that one) Not enough Nicole. It's going to show up hourly and "in your face" until it becomes your breath. You will be doing this in every moment as easily as you take those breaths of life. Wow. Again I am humbled, ripped wide open and exposed. Let's also rub some salt in that wound shall we? Sheesh.
I will say this. Even in my WTF? state, I can still see the theme that the experiences and events are showing me. It is what I have asked for in a way. Of course I wish it would show up in a convenient and gentle way, but then I would take a lot longer to integrate the experience wouldn't I? Most likely. I needed the tire iron to the face approach for this one. I thought I was doing so great with it!!! "Nope," My Higher Self said. (Whom I affectionately call Michelle, which is a story for another day) Not that I consider Michelle a meanie by any means, but she knows what is aligning us with our true calling, our Divine path and essence. You might be asking at this point, "What is that Nicole? What is your true calling?" Let's not get impatient with me here....when I know...you will know....I am typing this to you as I am saying it to myself to remind me to BREATHE and be patient.
Maybe at this point I can put some pieces of the puzzle known as my life together. Maybe that's a way to see my true calling? Who knows. This is what I know of me. I have wanted to be on stage and in front of a huge audience since I was a little girl. I told my dad that I wanted to be a rock star which meant a singer in my heart. Being the sensitive soul that I am, he made a joke about that and I shut down. I wouldn't sing until I became an adult. I still feel the pull and the power to be on stage to this day, and to help others become the best version of themselves.
I have been a sports coach, personal trainer, manager, inspirational speaker, healer, etc., to help fulfill that drive of sharing my energy with the world. Yeah, yeah, I know, Life is a stage. Then why is it in my fingerprints (which we are born with and don't ever change) that I am in service, a healer and play a Zeus role on this planet? Is it that I am to be a singer? Straight up healer? Not everyone is supposed to be leading and on stage, however, if you think of the whole role Zeus plays in the stories, he was the God of Gods. He governed and ruled so that others could govern and rule( let's skip over the many women, infidelity etc. I am talking about the big picture role). I am not saying that I am to rule over anyone either. What I take from it is that my role is way different than attending to the minute details of whatever is going on. I support the ones that excel with the minute details.
I have examples of Zeus' in their power. I have a dear friend that is a powerful Zeus healer through singing and music. Another, whom I haven't met yet, is one of the most powerful healers through his singing that I have ever known. Several non-musical Zeus' are Oprah, Panache Desai, and Matt Kahn. I admire them. I admire that they are standing in their Zeus power. I am looking forward to being able to be on stage in some form, standing in my Zeus power and fully being in service to the entire planet.
Maybe it's being a hands on healer? I know I excel at that too. I don't know if that would get my on my stage. Do I have to be hands on? No, I don't. However, I haven't been able to express what it is that I do because there is a language barrier. There are only a few syllables and words that we use in this reality. I speak and hear in energy and vibration that is infinite. There is a huge gap that I haven't been able to find the bridge, zip line or hang glider to get to the other side to reach others that don't hear and speak in energy and vibration.
Is it the intuitive abilities that I have? Maybe. That definitely goes hand-in-hand with the healing portion of my gifts and the empathic part too. It hasn't seemed to work the way I have been trying to go about expressing my gifts and sharing them with the world so far. Which, to me, is saying that it is different than how you are trying it to fit in a mold. What mold you may ask? Well...back to my first post of what others have said about energy, healing, everything. Also, the mold that I have put around the everything. Michelle is helping me break through those barriers. recognizing the mold isn't even there if I stop looking. If I just trust. If I breathe in life. If I allow the rebel to come out. If I allow the playfulness to come out.(I rarely have problems with playing anymore) If I stand in my POWER. If I embrace the beautiful masterpiece in the making that is ME.
What I know is this, I will continually embrace each experience as it arises to the best of my ability. I will deepen the connection with Michelle. I will stand in my power and speak my truth no matter how uncomfortable I feel. Also, no matter how someone takes what my truth is, I will continually embrace ME authentically. That is all I can definitely say that I know. HA!
So here I go with the rest of my day....standing in my power, speaking my truth, and BREATHING ME IN!
Stay tuned for my next post.
With my Be Real journey, I am being vulnerable, open and raw (that is soooooo real to me). Here's the next thing I feel I need to express. I am finding myself with a fair amount of anxiety this morning. Most of you probably don't know that I have lived majority of my entire life in a state of anxiety. Even as a baby. My baby teeth were ground flat because of grinding them in my sleep. Yes, I am well aware of the saying, "if you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are in the present." Blah. I agree to a certain extent. I don't wholeheartedly agree like I used to.(that may change too) Here's why.
First of all, as a baby....do you feel I was living in the future? I don't think so. Was I having a hard time also feeling others emotions and energies? Definitely the case. Even as a young one I had a very hard time feeling others emotions. I had no clue what was going on fully, however, I did recognize that because I could feel others emotional states, I thought they were all directed at me. Because of certain things said and done to me at a time when "they" were feeling certain emotions.... I would take them personally. I developed a coping mechanism very early on of being a people pleaser and doing what ever I could to make them feel relaxed and at ease. Most of the time it has been acting extravagant or cracking a joke to make them laugh. Putting them at ease helped put my system at ease.
Now that I am an adult and I am aware of my coping mechanisms, it doesn't really make it any easier. I may not be acting extravagant or cracking jokes to make others feel at ease, but I am still gun shy and anxious with conflict or when others are feeling anger, disappointment, resistance and other emotions that are similar. Anger is the hardest emotion for me to feel in my body from others. Not all of the time am I shy and anxious with conflict, but today I am. It feels like I am not in my power. How did I let it slip? I have no clue. That is what I really feel anxiety is about. It is about my power. Letting my light shine in the world. Standing for what I feel is right now matter how someone else reacts. Speaking my truth no matter how it is perceived. Sometimes it is so easy and other times it is so fucking hard! I am not fully aware of all of the varying degrees which make up the state that cause me to feel out of balance from my power. Is it because of feeling others emotions so deeply? That is quite possible. *Here comes a rant.*
I have had several complete strangers come up to me and tell me that, as an empath, they can help me. They teach me ways to protect myself and blah, blah, blah. (All of the ways, to me, that keep us separate from our truth.)
I barely said two words to them. They assumed by me being quiet that I knew nothing and was asking for help.Their "Spirit Guides" told them to say something. They know more because they have been on their spiritual path for a long time and you need these crystals in your left hand and hop on your right foot...You need to go to my empath therapy group...etc. etc. What I really wanted to say to the people that have been doing this to me is "FUCK OFF." You don't know me. You don't know my path on the planet and why I am here. If I barely know it how can you even remotely know it? Your spirit guides told you.....do you even realize your spirit guides are you? And is that really your intuition or your ego HAVING to tell me this? I didn't ask for your advice or opinion. Let me be. If I want your information I will ask you. Spiritual Bullies come in all forms. I have met a lot on my journey. *End Rant*
Phew! What was the rant all about? Its great way to vent of course, but those scenarios did happen to me recently and as much as I got angry about what the people said/did, they are a fabulous reminder to speak my truth, own my power and bask in the glory of--ME. The amazing, beautiful, loving, compassionate masterpiece called Nicole. I am a piece of art in progress.
Back to the question of where and when I separated or suppressed my power. I could really analyze the shit out of it. I have been so good at analyzing situations and scenarios my whole life. Hell, I have been such a pro at it that I can analyze my analyzing. HA! HA! HA! Does it solve anything? Nope. It may bring me piece of mind temporarily, but is usually far from the truth of what IS. Analyzing brings me into the observer role yes, but also keeps me from feeling the emotions that there are to feel. I have needed to analyze why the feelings are there and come to a solution as to where they came from, whether from me, my experiences or someone else. That sure creates separateness doesn't it? It keeps me from truly feeling them doesn't it? Yesiree it does. Who cares who, where, when, what, why? There is nothing to protect myself from. There is nothing I need to keep myself separate from. There is nothing separate. I am an individual expression of God, however, to protect myself from other expressions of God sounds and feels quite absurd to me. Maybe there is a possibility that I am here to help others transmute those emotions. I wouldn't be doing it if I wasn't supposed to be in service to the planet--right?!?!
Where do I go from here with my anxiety? With feeling others emotions in addition to my own? With knowing analyzing doesn't work? Gosh! More great questions that are best covered with analyzing! HA! My conclusion in this moment is to recognize when I feel the anxiety, I am not basking in the glory of ME. For now, I will remind myself to bask, and be thankful that I notice stepping away from reveling in my awesomeness. Keepin' it real with myself...being real with myself and others...one step closer to discovering my reason for embodiment--knowing full well that once I recognize it, my journey doesn't end.
Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for more!
Delving deeper into my definition of being real is what I am about right now. I almost feel like a small child in a way because what is coming out of my mouth are the original thoughts that pop in my head. I am not filtering like I used to. It was drilled into me from a young age and especially from the "best friend" that I removed from my life--to filter. I would get corrected All.Of.The.Time. Don't say can't, won't, don't, etc, etc. Don't say anything that sounds like a judgement, a curse word, something that would hurt someone else's feelings, be considered rude or crude...the list goes on. WOW! What is left to say? OH...RIGHT... all of the fluff, sugar- coated bullshit that makes me feel small, in a martyr role, and not in alignment with my truth. All of the words that are in my head are not to be spoken. I am not supposed to express them. I am however, supposed to blow false words out my ass instead...because that is what spiritual people do. I am supposed to take the high road because I am more awake and aware.
Can you guess what I say about all of that? You got it....FUCK THAT. I am done taking the high road. I am done filtering so that I won't offend, be considered rude or crude and make sure my words meet everyone else's needs, but my own. I AM done with all of that. I am more than a "what you see is what you get" type of gal. You may never be prepared for what is going to come out of my mouth next. The one thing I still tend to be mindful of is to not accuse someone else of hurting me, etc. That is me giving away my power in one more way. I am working really hard (I have been) to get my power back. Beliefs and conditions put upon me from endless characters and avenues are definitely unraveling at an accelerated rate. I feel those (the beliefs and conditions) are infinite ways to keep me (and us) small.
Can situations hurt? Oh yes! Can I get angry or sad? Oh yes! However, I have been making peace with it on my end through journaling, having conversations with myself and then speaking my truth with others that are involved. Whatever may come out of my mouth, so far, hasn't come across as being rude or against someone yet. I will however call a spade a spade. I will now tell you how I am seeing the situation. I have allowed others to influence me from my truth. Keep me from who I really am so I would fit in their little convenient fucking mold. Which poses the question, "Who the hell are you Nicole if you aren't what you have been portraying all of these years?" Very good question.
I don't know if I can fully answer that question yet. What I can tell you is this. My free flowing rebel that loves hard rock music, concerts, tattoos, and traveling on a whim is back. She is no longer suppressed. Yahoo! This time I am more in love with myself and feel even more alive! It feels like the weight of the world is being lifted from my shoulders. Phew! Thank goodness. I am still having raw, heart wrenching feelings like I am being shredded from the inside out. However, I know that my Soul, the true me, is ripping away all of the things that aren't really me. So rip away. Shred that shit. I got this. I know this is only fine tuning me for whatever reason I am here on this planet. At least I sure hope so. Why the hell else would I have to go through something like this?
Thanks for reading...follow along with my journey as I continue my path to being real if you desire. 😊
It's been a bit since I have written. After reading this you will understand why. Let's put it this in words that are easy to read. My whole world has been turned upside down. I have been ripped open from the inside out. Shredded almost completely down to nothing. Everything that I "thought" I was, was stripped away. I have been left raw and exposed to everything and then stomped on and crushed into oblivion. Did that paint a pretty picture for you? That is the gentlest way I can describe the transformation I am in right now. What was down is now up, left is now right, back is now front, etc. I am left with not knowing who I am, why I am here on this planet and what my next step forward looks like.
You may be wondering when this started. Hmmmm...it's been happening for a while. I would say it started about a year and a half ago. My Higher Self really started to try to get my attention. It began that I was having trouble reading any books. Mind you, the only books I read at the time were spiritual books. All others I would be bored with or thought they were hogwash. I kept getting clear messages that the books were old ways of thinking and you have all of the information that you need. The voice was getting louder. I listened, or so I thought. The next clear message was that I was supposed to back off from certain people in my life. One in particular, it was the strongest message, that the main person was my closest best friend. That was definitely a challenging one. Not only did she finally leave my life, (in a shitty way mind you) several others have gone in the time frame too.
What I did was turn to video and audio teachings. They aren't books, right?!?! Current teachings of course! Not what is considered the old paradigm. Higher Self said....NOPE... In the mean time working, working, continually working on building my business. I was driven to put myself out in the world to help serve others. And then it happened. My Higher Self said...NOPE...and it all came crumbling down. Shattered my dreams. Made me see my true reality. It is important to mention that she wasn't quite done yet. I was still doing a couple of things for my business but had scaled way back. So she said...NOPE... She has literally taken almost everything away from me. Why you ask? That is a great question I would say. "But you are spiritually advanced Nicole, why now?" you ask. One thing that feels right is that I was not being real with myself. If I can't be real with myself, then how the hairy can I be real with anyone else? I have been wearing what I like to call my rose colored glasses. Sugar coating everything. Thinking I was in a different place than where I really am. Not being realistic. It is awesome to have goals, dreams and aspirations, however, not when you take it so far that you are living in a different reality. Somewhere in life I learned that as a coping mechanism.
This coping mechanism came in the form of ( see if this resonates with any of you), If I continually believe I am at some level or have something, then so it shall be. I lived as if. THAT DOESN'T FUCKING WORK. I was not being realistic with where my energy is and where I am at in this very moment. I have been living in a fantasy world. Let me tell you something....it hasn't been as fun as it sounds. I got caught up in the spiritual bullshit. Yep. You read that correctly. I called it spiritual bullshit. I am calling all of it spiritual bullshit. It is a bunch of crap. We even adopt what others have said like about empaths, chakras, the cosmos, energy, everything. I am done with all of the bullshit. And ya know what? I feel more real than I have in a very long time. But even more real than I did when I felt real before because I am more aware in my consciousness than I have ever been before.
The only thing I know right now is to be real. To enjoy the simple human pleasures and throw the spiritual hoops and rituals in the garbage. Being human is the most spiritual thing you can do. I came in with the Divine Love already awakened, now it's about awakening the real human.
This Journey is not over....please follow me as I continue on this journey of being real.
This is where I put the things that the Divine wants me to share at this time. :-)